Log in

those3wordslie [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
[if i just lay here..]

[ elljay userinfo | elljay userinfo ]

sleep [Jan. 19th, 2007|02:15 am]
[mood |tiredtired]

So I'm really tired...but to lazy to walk up the stairs...problem...I think so.
And I keep wishing I was in Steven's bed, one because there are no stairs to walk up. But 2 I like sleeping next to him...oh I went there

It's been a whiles [Nov. 15th, 2006|01:30 am]
[mood |sicksick]

So, I suppose I slightly forgot about writing. Much like I do in every other journal I've ever had. I start out good, then steadily go down hill lol.

Well first off, I finial figured out what I want to go to college for. Social work/Therapy. Not sure which direction I'm going to go, but both sound good. And both are the same major :) Not only that but I called and got all that college like stuff figured out, and I am going to start in jan. Yeah thats a grand ol time, I'm tired of that whole doing nothing game.

Me and my sister are talking again, I had a good conversation with her last night. Which made me happy, it's about time that things got back to normal.

My great aunt lucy died yesterday, it's sad but I barely knew her. She was old, and also suffering. So she is in a better place now. I feel more bad for my dad, because he seemed to take it pretty hard. Even if he didn't admit it, I can tell.

And last but not least, I have an amazing man in my life :) We have almost been together a month, and he is great. One of the best boyfriends by far. He is nice,caring, sweet,funny,smart, independt, and makes me laugh. If I had to make a check list of all the things I wanted in a guy, he would meet them all. Though I tend to get annoyed sometimes, it's not his fault its mine. But thats getting better.

Well thats about it, as you can see nothing to grand or exciting happening in my life. I'm off to watch some tv, then perhaps go to sleep.

stole these from ashley?? I think so :) [Oct. 29th, 2006|11:47 am]
[mood |crappycrappy]

001. When's the last time you ran?:
i don't even remember.

002. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?:
like one pair does

003. What are you dreading right now?:
everything, and it's to much at times.

004. Do you celebrate 4/20?:

005. Favorite country singer?:
umm carrie underwood perhaps

006. What face cleanser do you use?:
clearasil(or something like that)

007. When was your last doctors visit?:
last week

008. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep?:

009. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?:
half an hour to an hour

011. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?:
I thought so at one time, but it's not worth any of it.

012. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would they find you wearing?:
pajama pants and just a shirt

013. Does your school have tornado drills?:
umm hello, maine?! I think not!

014. Have you ever been on your schools track team?:

015. Do you own a pair of Converse?:
I used to

016. Who is the first contact in your mobile?

017. Do you eat raw cookie dough?:

018. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?:

019. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by overplaying them?:

020. Would you rather them play the whole video or just a clip of it on TRL?:
the whole video. i hate when they cut it short. Unless it needs to just be shot

021. Do you watch Trading Spouses?:
yeah...that show is amusing to me

022. How do you eat oreos?:
umm with milk??

023. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone to sign in?:
hahah unfortunately yes.

024. Are you cocky?:
i don't think so.

25. Can you do a cartwheel?
yess!!!!! :)

26. What are you thinking about right now?
a certian someone

27. Are your great Grand parents still alive?
no :( I miss them

28. What is your favorite outfit you own?
i tend to always wear jeans, sneaks or flip-flops, some plain shirt and a hoodie.

29. Do you have a job?
not any more lol

030. Could you live without a computer?:

031. Do you wear shoes in your house?:

032. When you watch movies at home, do you turn the lights off?:
if it's a scary movie yes

033. At what age did you find out that santa wasn't real?
like maybe 10

034. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?:

035. What do you do when youre sad?:
lie in bed or listen to music

036. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?:
everyone all at once :)

037. Last time you saw your best friend?:
uhh a few days ago?

038. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:
being bipolar pisses me off I suppose

039. Last movie you rented?:
I don't even remember

040. Who/What sleeps with you every night?:
my fave pillow lol and for the most part my cat

041. How many times have you been pulled over?:

042. Pancakes or Frenchtoast?
it depends

043. How do you like your eggs?:
over easy

044. Are you in highschool?:
no graduated.

045. Is anyone on your bad side right now?:

046. What jewerly are you wearing?:
umm do nose and tongue rings count?? cause they never come out

047. What's the first thing you do when you get online?:
see if someone is online

048. Do you own any TV seasons on DVD?:

049. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?:
used to

050. How do most people spell your name?

051. Would you wear your boy/girlfriends clothes?:
sure, I wore his jacket yesterday if that counts? lol

052. Do you watch pro sports on TV?:
not really.

053. What do you do before you sleep every night?:
brush my teeth

054. What was the first movie that gave you nightmares?:
...peewees big adventure...you know what I don't want to hear it...those clowns and large marg...SCARY MUCH!

055. Who's your favorite celebrity couple?
umm I'm going with britney and k fed lol they never stop amusing me

056. Favorite 80's teen movie?
I don't remember the 80's lol

057. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson or Elton John?

058. Do you know anyone who wasn't born in the United States?:

059. Favorite name for a boy?:
jayden,aiden,gavin,travis, landen...can't think of anymore

060. Will you keep your last name when you get married?

061. Your favorite resturant you don't get to eat at much?:

062. When is the last time you left your house?:

063. Do you buy your own school supplies?

064. Do you already have your school supplies?:
i'm not in school.

065. Have you ever cursed at a teacher?:
it slipped out.

066. How do you eat your steak?:
well done

067. Who is your favorite rapper?:
ludacris :)

068. How do you get to school?:
i did take the bus/get a ride.

069. If you heard your phone ringing right now, who do you expect it to be?:
it better be steven lol

070. What noise do you hear?:
the tv

071. Would you survive in prison?:
haha sure would

072. Next concert you hope to go to?:
I don't know

073. What was the last thing you ate?:
a breakfast bar

074. When was the last time you said I love you, and meant it?
When I told my momma I loved her :)

075. Who is the youngest in your family?:

076. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would want to stop the most ?

077. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?:

078. How many syllablles does your name have?:

079. What does your license plates say?:
the license plate number lol

080. When is the last time you ate peanut butter?
a few days ago

081. What brand is your cell phone?:
audiovox DON'T EVER GET ONE!!! they suck

082. What's for dinner?:
burito casserole

083. What's the last thing you purchased?:
socks haha, I'm that cool

084. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?:
on occasion

085. Where is your cell phone?:
honestly, I don't know

086. Is your phone on viberate or ring most?:

087. What brand is your shirt right now?:
umm I don't no

088. Ever been overseas?:

089. Did you have breakfast this morning?:

090. Do you like marshmellows?

091. What irritates you most on the internet?

092. What brand is your digital camera?:
don't have one

093. Do you watch movies with your parents?

094. Do you wear short shorts?:

095. Do you think you could be pregnant?:
no, I don't.

096. What song describes your love life at the moment?:
umm not sure

097. Do you own expensive perfume?
ehh kind of.

098. On average, how much do your jeans cost?:

099. Are you taking uni classes?:

100. Do your parents know everything that you do?:
hell no

101. Do they care?:

102. Did you see Harold and Kumor go to WhiteCastle?:

103. Have you ever been to WhiteCastle?:

104. Would you rather sleep with someone or alone?
someone as in the current bf :)

105. Do you like to dance?:

106. Do you like sushi?:

107. Do you get your hair cut every month?:

108. Have you ever made out in front of your parents?

109. Are you single?

110. Do you read everyone's bulletins?:

111. Did you know some questions were missing?

112. What are you gonna do after you take this?
get dressed

113. What was the last thing you googled?
two faced kitty :)

My Autobiography.

Part 1: The Birth of You

Were you a planned baby?:
no I was an accident lol

Were you the first?:

Who was present at your birth?:
my mom, dad & doctors lol

Were your parents married when you were born?:

What is your birthdate?:

Part 2: The Family

How would you describe your family?:
different. quiet and reserved, loud and funny. open-minded and supportive.

Are your parents married? Divorced? Seperated?:

Siblings or an only child?:
one sister.

If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?:

What are your siblings names?:

Which parent do you get along with best?:
both, but I would say my dad a little more

What do you fight about?:
nothing really

Do you have step parents?:

Part 3: The Friends

Do you have more than one best friend?:

What do you like to do when you are together?
just hang out, have a good time.

Do you share the same interests?:

Which friend can you tell anything to?

Part 4: Your Personality

How high/low is your self esteem?:

Do you get depressed about things easily?

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?:

Are you happy?:

Do you live life to the fullest?

Part 5: Appearance

Are you comfortable with the way you look?:

Do you have any piercings besides your ears?:
nose and tongue

Describe your hair?
brown and about to my shoulders

What make-up do you wear?:
foundation, mascara,eye shadow, eye liner, and lip gloss.

How do you dress?
jeans, tees, flip-flops/sneaks & hoodies.

Part 6: The Past

Were you a strange child?:
not really.

What did you use to love that you no longer do?
rainbow bright

Do you have the same friends?:
no way.

Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?

Part 7: The Future

What is your ambition?:
to go to school, get married, have kids blah blah blah you know

Are you scared of growing old?:
kinda, old ladies are mean

Do you want to get married?:

Part 8: The Outdoors

Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?:

Favorite Season?

Favorite weather?
cool but warm, crisp, sunny.

Do you like walking in the rain?

Part 9: Food

Are you a vegetarian?:

What is your favorite food?:
egg mcmuffins lol.

What food makes you want to gag?:

What is your favorite dessert?:

What is your favorite restaurant?:

Are you a fussy eater?

Part 10: Relationships and Love

Are you single or taken?:

If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?:
steven( and no its not the old steven, that I dated forever. This is a new one...who I see all the time and like him a lot :) )

Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?:
most def.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Part 11: Experiences

What was one of your greatest experiences?:
umm...working in the ER?

What was one of your worst?
lots of em

Have you ever done drugs?

Have you ever thought you were going to die?:
yes...I was highly afraid

Have you ever suffered from depression?:
have i ever!!

how time flys [Sep. 14th, 2006|11:01 am]
Its 11am and I still haven't slept....I feel my death coming!! haha

So here we go again [Sep. 11th, 2006|03:31 am]
[mood |disappointeddisappointed]

Ok so stealing the whole idea from Ali :) It is sept 11th once again, a day that will always stick out. I had come back from gym, and all the adults were running around like chickens with their heads cut off! So my 8th grade teacher told us, that a plane had crashed through the twin towers. We weren't fully sure what that meant. We did know that it was bad though.

The school I went to was K-8 so all the grades 6 and up piled into the library. To watch the news, it was over whelming. To think that someone could do such a thing. How people could have so much hate for a country, that they could kill so many innocent people. It makes me sick to think about it, and in turn what do we do. We go and start a war, killing them. Which doesn't make us any better, thank you Mr.President!

But anyway I tried to call my dad, because I wanted to go home. But no one could reach him, so I walked back the library and continued to watch the tv. It's sad to think something this destrutive could happen again, because people just don't care. The world today is a horrible place.So maybe not a horrible place. Could be better could be worse, but the leadership sucks! It sucks having to grow up knowing all of this. Knowing there is a war, knowing the president is incapable of doing his job...causing all of us to deal with it. Knowing there is nothing you can do. Then the mass ammount of soldiers who have lost their life. For an unworthy cause...again way to go bush!!

Hopefully when I someday have kids, things wont be the same. I would hope that someday the world will be a better place. But at this rate, things aren't looking good.

Who Knew [Sep. 11th, 2006|03:03 am]
[mood |okayokay]

Im slowly being sucked in by Rockos Modern Life, oh how I love this show. I feel like I'm 10 all over again haha.

So My dad has to have surgery, he goes to meet with the doctors on the 19th. That should be interesting, he will be out of work for like a month. And I will be the one taking care of him, which isn't that bad. I want to be a nurse, so I guess this is my practice haha.

I hung out with Ashley P last night, it was fun I hadn't seen her in over a month. We had a lot of catching up to do, but we got it done haha. She also went to a family get together thing with me. I fed a baby, and then was nominated to be the next in the family to have a baby! GO ME! haha My mom was holding her, she is only 2mths old. She started to cry, so I took her. The minute I took her, she stopped crying. Which only made my family continue to say it was my turn to have a baby haha.

Then there was a bad storm yesterday my family, ashley, and I hung out in the garage. Where everytime it wouldnt lightning everyone would scream, just to scare my aunt heidi more. It was like the secret word, and we were all on pee wee's play house. Scary thought huh??!! I sure did think so lol. But the storm was pretty bad, the road was flooding a little and all that good stuff.

So I watched an amazing movie today called Pride and Prejudice. It was great, every girl needs to watch it haha. And perhaps gay guys, and guys that like chick flicks!

On another hand, I have been kinda upset today. It's starting to get to me big time about my sister. I wish that things weren't the way they were. That she would atleast talk to me, but sometimes you just can't change those things. We will put on that happy face durring holidays, and get along when we have to. But I don't think things will ever be the same.

But on a happier note, what kind of entry would this be if I didn't tell about my love life yo!! So I am completely in love, and anyone who says other wise. Will get shanked!!! remember that bitches get stiches haha. I definitely can see myself with his man for the rest of my life. He makes me smile, and feel all funny on the inside haha.Who could ask for me, right?! I cant wait till he gets out of the army, so I can be with him. Untill then I will continue with the phone conversations! It's better then nothing.

I'm sure that this entry was a whole lot of rambling, but it is 3:15 in the morning. And Im still up....I have been sick the past few days. Well allergies that is, I tried taking medicine for it BUT....it screwed me all up haha. I was so loopy, it was crazzzy. So there is this song I NEED to know the name of. My bestest Ali tried to help me, I know I'll never find it. So it will continue to drive me crazy forever. And its like 3° here, and Im freezing haha. Ok so more then that but I feel like falling apart haha

But I guess that is enough for now, Ill write more when I actualy have some important to say.


(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2006|04:19 am]
[mood |blahblah]
[tunage |Snow Patrol-Hands Open]

Ashley picked me up today, we pretty much just ran around and did shit. Then I called ali...and we all hung out. It was a good time, I love these ladies I sure friggin do!!! We got the usual park hang out rockin, till the scary skaters came and ruined our gammmes!!! But thats ok cause our ball got stuck in the hoop anyway!!! So I ran off to sit in the retard swing, untill my feller friend called. Where I continued to tell him about this retard swing, along with making some akward noises haha.

So then we got lost in some farm land place, took some more creepy pictures of a certian someones house. You know the norm for Corinth haha. Then we ate some dinner, dyed some hair, read some very interesting articles. Oh baby your so big haha...gotta love girl talks. And watched the VMA's...guys if you ever wondered YES girls do talk about those things haha.


especialy because they are ultra lights

down the hall, around the corner, and up your ass....nice ashley haha

Then Steven was making me feel bad, I was hanging out with my buuddddiiiiies. And he wanted to talk to me, yes I wanted to talk to him to. BUT at the same time I was with my friends. So either way I feel bad for both...its a fuck fuck game fucked if I do, fucked if I dont ROAR! So he told me to call back before 11, I started trying to call around 9....but no answer. He must have fallen asleep, he only got 2 hours of sleep the night before. So HOPEFULY Ill get to talk to him later today, and night. Ill admit it I like talking to him before I go to bed, he makes me happy :). Talking to me is the highlight of his day, so he says....so thats why I feel bad being like HEY gotta go. But soon hopefuly it will work out, so we can be located in the same place...and I can just see him whenever I want lol. So if he bitches I can kick him and walk away :) But I really do honestly love him!!! so remember that bitches!! haha

I have a bug bight on my finger, and it sucks!!! and I was having really weird feelings bringing aliwillow home...Like a anxiety/panic attack. I got really scared and nervous at the same time. So I just kinda got my breathing slowed down, it sucked I dont know what caused it. But they happen a lot...oh and they sure do suck!

I feel weird not having to go back to school, like everyone else is. The wait till college is slightly killing me, Ill admit it I kinda want to go back. My friend was doing homework the other night, and I was like whaaa I want some odd I know lol. Its like I just need something to do, because this same old routine is starting to suck! At first I was like no school, no work this is the life. But now I feel like a friggin bum. And I dont like feeling like a bum...haha. My sleep is all fucked up as you can see its 4:30am and Im still up. Then I sleep late, there is just no winning.

Well I guess Im off now to get some sleep, before steven calls me bright and early!


Waiting for your call Im sick, call Im angry, call Im desperate for your voice!! [Sep. 4th, 2006|12:25 am]
[mood |happyhappy]
[tunage |Secondhand Serenade- Your Call]

Ok so Ashley brought it to my attention, that I hadn't updated my journal in a while. Which is true, so here goes. So Im in love with the most amazing guy ever!! even if I may drool over johny depp, and chester, and Tommmm....He still is number 1. Even if he doesnt think so. We have known each other for about 7 years, and dated on and off for that time. It never really worked before, because we were both younger, and didnt know what we wanted. But now we are both to that point that we want to be serious. He is the first guy that I have ever loved, and the only. He wants me to move in with him, we will hang out and if all goes well....Then Im off, and all my friends will have to come visit me. Because I just need to know if he is the one, which I strongly feel he is!!!

In other news, I need a friggin job!!! Im going to go apply to a bunch of places! And then get my ass a job haha....I think tomorrow Im suppose to hang out with jeff. I miss him so much, we used to hang out all the time. But now he has a girlfriend and is working full time, I just want to hang out before he goes into the Navy. I know he is my cousin, but I consider him my best guy friend. We have been that way for some years now!

Well there isnt anything else that new, just listening to music....oh how exciting. I suppose thats enough for now


(no subject) [Aug. 26th, 2006|11:31 am]
[Current Location |my house]
[mood |contentcontent]
[tunage |Anberlin]

I felt really bad at the funeral yesterday, it just kinda made me think a lot. Like that could be anyone, at any time. It could be me laying there...it just proves that nothing is promised forever. I hate how bad things always happens to good people. Or people who actualy want to live their lives, get sick, or die somehow. They dont get the chance, but would give anything for another day. Yet people can just kill themselves, when they had the promise of tomorrow. But after all is said and done, and how much we wish, or how many tears we cry. It can't bring them back, so on that note. Blake I miss you greatly, even though I didnt get to see you on a day to day basis. You still have a place in my heart and memory. And seeing him in that coffin yesterday, was horrible. I have that vision burned into my memory, and honestly it scares me. I wish the best to Blake and his family.

So ontop of all the sad events going on lately, there are two that have made me feel incresingly better. 1st my best came back, which was great! Even though we didnt do all that much yesterday, we still had some good conversations. And just went to the park and looked at the stars, and talked some more. I needed that, it helped me get a lot out. Also let me know Im not completely crazy haha. Which ya know its good to know lol. 2nd is...me and the love of my life!!! are back together. And Steven is even stepping up and calling back, look at that he is trying!! haha he wants me to move to arkansas, I would consider it. That is if I couldnt convince him to come up here. AND If not ali doesnt know it yet BUT her and sam are moving to Arkansas :) I will demand it haha!!!

Well thats pretty much it nothing new here, going on vacation monday. Where I will be forced at gun point to go on my very first roller coaster AND make sannndddyyyyyyy Castles lol. jk it will be fun...if I dont have heart attack before I get to my caslte making! lol
link2 comments|&!&!

(no subject) [Aug. 21st, 2006|01:43 am]
[mood |calmcalm]
[tunage |Goodbye Im sorry By Then I turned seveteen]

1. You are stranded on a desert island. Which LJ friend do you want there with you?
waaa ashley because she is the only friend I have right now ROAR haha

2. You have been sentanced to death, What is your last meal request?
egg mcmuffin haha

3. What do you do for workouts?
I need to do a lot

4.What do you drink during workouts?
when I do water or poweraid

5.Most overrated celebrity?
i know theres one, i just can't think right now.

6.What is your zodiac sign, and do you feel you 'fit' that sign?
Aquarius haha I dont friggin know

7.What's the nicest thing that's happened to you this week?
The amazingly nice conversations with Ian

8. What's the last thing that was in your mouth?
my tongue ring??

9. Name an lj friend you really admire, and tell why you admire this friend
Way to many

10. Why are some things really disgusting as leftovers, and others even *better* leftover?
I dont really like left overs, Im picky that way haha.

11. Have you ever walked out of a movie theater because the film was so bad? If so, what was the film?
yes. The ring 2 but because me and ashleigh were bored and wanted to wander around bangor.

12. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

13.Can you be friends with a mom who just made chicken fingers and pizza bites and called it "lunch"?
haha yes

14. Do you crack your toes?

15. What the heck is good about winter?
looking at the snow, from the inside

16. What is your SSN#. bank, and bank account number? {just testing you!}
my momma always tought me not to give them out! hahaha.

17. What is your ancestry
French, Irish, and Norwegin(sp?)

18. What do you hope to do this month?
start getting my ass in shape

what I want....yet it still scares me [Aug. 20th, 2006|01:10 am]
[mood |happyhappy]
[tunage |Snow Patrol]

So, this is life. After highschool, after the drama, after graduation. Im an adult, everything I have always wanted for so long. But now I wish I was 5 again, things were so simple. Where I could spend my day playing outside, watching the clouds pass by, and picking flowers. Try that now, I just look like a slacker haha.

BUT anyway things in life are a little easier. Because of my great friends Ashley Im so glad we are hanging out lately. You mean the world to me, I love our conversations. Plus I LOVE screwing with our little retard haha. Makes me giggle time and time again. Remember Im always here for you no matter what, who would of though we would of found each other again. Its been a long time sense kindergartin....but Im glad we did.

Ali...I friggin looove you!!! Write it in your date book, you need to scheduale in that heart to heart you speak of haha. Just know I love you, and that Im always here. I loved our trips in the morning before school to get coffee. Or the times we would come to wait for the bus with each other.I know we will be friends FOREVER, nothing will ever change that. Even if we go our own ways in life, even if we live in diffrent states.Im only a phone call away. Ever need me Im there Looovvveeess <3

So anyway Im off to watch some more tv....and talk to my bestest guy buddy Ian :) . You always know what to say to make me smile, you are truely amazing. Im so glad you are in my life, you give the best advice. I love talkig with you Loooves
link3 comments|&!&!

(no subject) [Aug. 19th, 2006|12:00 pm]
My tears crashed to the floor

just like everything around me

You laughed as I died.

Im trying to let you know

Just how much you mean to me

How much you hurt me

How much I cried.

I would have done anything for you

But this time it's over

My tears have dried and gone away

As I sit here wishing for a better day

My thoughts hurt less and less

I just cant deal with this stress

Its just not fair

because you never really cared

For you I would have died

and so easily you said good-bye

(no subject) [Aug. 19th, 2006|11:58 am]
Alone with the sweet thoughts of broken suicide.

My life is perfect never better.

If I tell you what you want to hear,

Will it quite my mind just for tonight.

Im falling apart,

But your just so blind....

Is it to late to run and hide?

Make a name all of my own,

It's just to hard to look back.

Sure I'm sober Sure I'm fine,

Im still your daughter keep in mind.

That my actions kill with every move.

So I'll turn and run away...

Keep the pictures close ,

Because I can never stay.

its not that rare [Aug. 19th, 2006|11:56 am]
[tunage |Hoobastank]

It is just tonight

that for once its ok

for now I have

accepted he wont be there

I will make it

Alone but on my own

The crutch is gone

and no ones here to help

And just for tonight

The thought of him doesnt hurt

My eyes wont water

His voice wont make me smile

No more what if's

Just for tonight I'll be normal

Tonight you wont hear

Me say I love you baby

The nights almost over

Tomorrow comes without sight of you

Im lost and confused

and have nothing to lose

you'll never win [Aug. 19th, 2006|11:54 am]
[tunage |Stone sour]

These truths bleed out,

as the lies blind your every move.

You believed the words,

that you heard so many times over.

It broke you down,

to find it was all a game.

The stupid fragile words,

that never ment a god damn thing.

Created a false security,

only to hurt more in the end.

So I love you,

was only a game that cheaters never win!

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]